PreraNa

I'm a tutor at PreraNa - a home for the physically challenged and economically backward[ Yes,i go teach them Parisara,Vignaana,Samaaja and GaNita :) ]

There's Pramod-a 6 year old LKG-going-kiddo who only smiles and giggles at every gesture i make..he loves it when i draw apples and kites in his book so much that he'd not let me do anything else than that!..with the naughtiest look a kid can ever have,he can't hear anybody calling out his name nor say out his name aloud....not only his name,that is..

Savitri - a 16 year old student of history who can sing so well with an amazingly striking voice - bold and clear..very much unlike her vision..

Then there's Eshwar - a diabetic patient who can only crawl..but with a determination of passing his class-12 exams in his second attempt,so strong..

Manu and madhu - who paint well..one dumb-and-deaf and the other polio-struck..
And Suma - the girl who gestured on my first day there to ask if i'm married yet..

Vishnu-who forgets that F comes after E and all the alphabets after Q even after i've taught him some n times....and loves doodling so much that all his books are filled up almost only with lines and arcs.
Ranjita,Chetan and Chandu who are at PreraNa because their parents can't afford to have them at home..

There are some 50 children...each enjoying the challenges they face in ways their own..

                                                             *****

When i go there every morning,there usually are a few of them waiting for me at the door to inform the rest to assemble in the room and occupy their places before i enter..

There was Shivu at the door-side today.
I parked my scooty and took a few steps,still far away for him to hear me approach..and i heard him shout 'Sahanakka bandru'..[Sahana Akka's is here]

As i entered,Shivu was still there..he beamed and wished me 'Goodmorning'..
Having nothing else to ask him at that moment,i asked - 'Naan bandiddu hege gottaitu?Gaadi shabdha kelista?' [ How could you know that i came?Was it the sound of my scooter? ]

He was about to nod, but, instead shook his head..
'Illa akka....nimma gejje shabdha kelistu..' [ No,not your vehicle..i heard the sound of your anklets..]

I smiled a smile which he could not see......he, perhaps, never can..blind that his eyes are..
..then there was -'Goodmorning Akka' in a chorus..

                                                             *****

I sometimes wonder why he chose to say that he heard my anklets....




P.S: 1. Names have NOT been changed.
2. Nanna gejje pic's a modified portion from a picture originally taken by Soumya..

Euthanasia

There has always been darkness here....cacophony..harsh cryptics..obscure thoughts...eyes-strained-tired of fighting the gloom..and a heart that thumps faster everytime there's a knock at the door..anxiousness arising deep within..seeking solace..looking for a li'l rest from all the grief it has bore..a vent for all the sorrows buried within..a li'l peace..a li'l love..

                                                                                 ----

You brought a smile on my face when you came in..ushering all the colors in to fill my world...like a new-born to its mother..there was joy..a rainbow....gentle breeze..wings to fly....drops of happy showers....blossoms everywhere..a rosy path..

A sigh of relief....tears of happiness....a sense of thankfulness came along with the feel of your presence in my being....and a sense of being complete....

Laughters..dusk-falls..music..gentle caresses...so much warmth..dreams so beautiful....more music....a loving gaze spread all over my skies..a soothing lullaby..a peaceful sleep...colors and colors...dreams unfolding like sheaves of mystic clouds..a white flash.....sleep so calm and deep.........



Yet somewhere somehow like the shadow of the light,the darkness prevailed

                                                                                 ----

My place is perhaps too dark for you to have lived.I chose your leave.

I colored!! I colored!!!!

Yes! I colored with wax crayons and camlin color pencils!! I didn't draw them though..its a magic pad..one only has to rub the pages which look empty with a pencil and Ding!Mowgli,Sher khan,Baloo,Shanti,Kao all appear! Nifty,innit? :)

I get time these days to even engage myself in watching the chameleon for full 20 minutes till it changes its color from gray to green to red! And the squirrel which comes out for every 2 minutes to check if the chameleon has gone or not! Would i ever want anything than SO MUCH time for self?! And my friends complain that they are already bored of staying at home,jobless!

Ummm..'m loving it..Ta-ra-pa-paa-baa! :)

The 'pleasure' of having a pillion rider

Ma told me that i'd be dropping her to her club meet.

Aarghh! Not again!
No,i'm not lazy to go out..nor have i a problem in balancing the load of around 70 kilos..[My dearest DeeDee! YES.I really seem to have got the number [terribly] wrong..It's always better for you and me to forget a few things,you know..] =) [see bambi eyes]

As i take my brown scooty[it looks silver only on the day it has come out of the service station] out,she comes out in a clean cream colored saree[those with neat blue peacock embroidery at the borders and all that].

WHY?WHY such a neat light-colored saree when it has just stopped raining..and the roads are full of haLLas with fresh brown muddy water..and when she KNOWS that she's gonna be my pillion-rider?? Aargh.

Battery's almost dead.I always kick it start.
kick1.kick2.kick3.kick4.kick5...kick13.....kick18..there you go.The engine finally comes to life much to my ma's relief.

'Naan koorla?' she asks.And before i can answer she tries to hop in.
'oyyee..oyee..'i lose balance and somehow regain it without letting me,amma or scooty fall.

She gets down..gives me a and-you-still-say-you-can-balance-me! kinda look and -
'You take your scooty and wait for me near the turn..i'll walk till there' she says and starts walking to the turn near Geeta auntys' place.

I kick start it again and go there.Geeta aunty's outside, near the compound..and ma's bothered about my 'balancing act'..that too when her neighbour's watching us both..

She sits after having said 'iru ond nimsha' 4-5 times.

I go only far enough that Geeta aunty can't see us any longer and -
'Naanu sariyaagi kootilla..gaadi stop maadu'

After 2 more such 'sariyaag-kootilla- stops',she decides to comment on how i drive and tip me.

'Break haaku'.
'Horn maadu'. // Horn.Horn.
'No.Not more than 20.i said NO' // Ma,my 6 year old scooty cannot anyway pull the load[read 70kilos] if i go @ <20
'Mirror sariyaagi adjust maadidiya?'. // Hoon.I can always see all the bikers who follow.. :P
'Hinde car bartide' // So..?
'Slow down while crossing' // Ok.
'Break sari maadsu..' // Ok,Madame.I'd not realised that they aren't ok.
'Balance sigtidya?' // Aaaah.How else did we manage to come this far?

Thankfully she seemed to have forgotten that i don't have a license[not even an LLR] even when she saw a traffic police at the circle.

And she didn't notice till she got back home that the peacocks at the bottom of her saree had turned half-muddish-brown. // Now,had i asked her to get down some 4 times wherever there was a muddy haLLa before she could 'properly' and 'comfortably' sit?

'LORRY!! munde Lorry bartide! Slow down.Slow down.Stop maadu' // WHO on earth cannot see a lorry thats coming right in front? I don't even have those miopias and metropias..!

And finallllly,her destination comes.

A few of her friends arrive too - 'Oho!Sahana drop kottLa!'

'Hoon! Parvaagilla [she forgot to add 'even with me at the pillion'] gaadi chennagi odustaaLe' // SIGH. Tumbaa Thanks!!!!!!!

Solo


Ajar,like the mind..




















Women














Aeroplane chitte

Birthday party

A hot enne-neeru snana early in the morning.
Crisp and fresh new dress.
Pooja at the temple.

Akkas' first gift which ALWAYS,for almost 20 years,has been a hand-made bouquet with all flowers and croton leaves from the garden and a neatly tied ribbon.. :)
Re-counting if amma has put enough chocolates in the neat box for friends at school,for auto-mama and auto-mates plus extra chocolates for those who suddenly decide to wish looking at my 'color-dress'.

'Lacto-kings' or 'caramilks' for friends.
Kismi toffee bars for teachers and 'close' friends.

On entering class after the prayers at the assembly-'Happy b'day to you....
may the 'good' god bless you....dear sahana..happy b'day to you..' in chorus. ["good" god,huh????]
'Can i take Deepti with me to distribute chocolates,miss?'.
'Avlige kottyante,nangu erdu kodalva?'.

A home-made cake with not-so-neat icing with a colorful candle showing my age[then single-digit].
Cousins and neighbourhood kids shaking hands not letting go till they get atleast 3 chocolates each.
Games-the never ending sudden catch,'icepice',the then all-time-famous lemon-and-the-spoon,balloon bursting..
The much awaited 'cake cut' with a red bow-tied knief.
Colorfully wrapped gifts.['Enide idrolage?'-'Pencil-boxxu'..'Scrabble'..'Kitchen settu'..'Pilot pennu'..'Scented cartoon rubbers']

Aaah,how i miss those june 21sts..

Cacophoenix and a mute spectator.

From the window of the room back-stage ,she saw him come.She knew that he'd be there on time and he was.She continued humming one of Pt.Jasrajs' composition in malhaar as she watched him get out of his car and lock it.

It was a reharsal.

She'd put a tilak on her forehead-deep red,to match the borders of the green saree she'd worn.
As she walked from the room to the stage,the sound of her anklets echoed steadily with each step she took.

There weren't many people.

She started off with the first note-theShadaj....it was Raag-Kedar.

Her singing was natural.
Every note she took was perfect..there was a melody in her voice that the Bansuri couldn't drown..and so much rhythm that the tabla could just match.

She sang effortlessly.

Shringaram.Haasyam.Karunam.Raudram.Bheebhatsyam.Adbhutam.
Shaantam.Krodham.Shokam.Utsaaham.Bhayam.Vismayam.

Her voice had every expression.
Every time she closed her eyes to delve into a deeper note,he noticed that she'd become one with it.

Every gesture her hands made were graceful..
There was a grace in each breath she took..

Her eyes expressed every emotion.
Once or twice,in between,her eyes met his.She could see that he was attentive.

His attentiveness was what caught her attention.It was unusual that there was somebody who'd not lost himself in her music.And his gaze told her that he longed for something more soulful than her singing.She felt perplexed.She looked away forcefully.

She next sang in Bhoop.
He found her eyes playfully beautiful..
..the kajal she'd carefully put earlier only added more charm to the joyous notes of bhoop..

****************

When they met the next time,he told her about the monsoons.
About how the clouds gather suddenly from nowhere..about how dark it suddenly gets..about how the wind blows..about how the breeze makes one feel..
About the sudden out-burst of the dark clouds..the smell of the wet earth..the lightening and the sound of the thunders that accompany.

****************

Fireworks crackled merrily to life.
For his eyes,it was just a flash and then smoke.
The colors in them,he felt,were only momentary..untrue..
She failed to see what colors meant to him.
She thought otherwise.For her the colors in the firework were real and permanent.

****************

The stars had lit the night sky.
As she sat there incessantly speaking,he looked up to gaze at the stars.
Eternity was truth,he'd believed.

His gaze over the skies was too strong for her to continue.

She suddenly stopped.

She found in him a mute spectator whose own pains had remained unheard not unsung..
Amidst all the loudness of her music,his feeble voice had faded..
In the joys of her own rendition,she'd failed to hear his.
She had let her melody drown his tunes..

*****************

When she'd next sing,it'd be music for his ears,not noise.

The rains would wash away all the dust..its music would defy all the noise.
she would find joy in singing malhaar for him when he would forget himself in her music..

***************

Monsoons had arrived.
She could see what he saw in the out-burst of the clouds..in the
liveliness of the stars and the eternity in the colors they flash..

And,When she sang malhaar,she found a new meaning in each of its note.